Pants 0. Shit 1.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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