We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
