dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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