Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
