eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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