life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
