I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
