somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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