and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
