he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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