i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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