Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
