Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She said her name was "party"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
