i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
