I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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