Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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