I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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