Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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