She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
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I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
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Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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