I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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