A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
