I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
