We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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