forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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