My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
