I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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