Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
