my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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