A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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