so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
