So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
