Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
