Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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