Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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