The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
