I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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