Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
