Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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