pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
