Tell her she can't have a vagina
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
