I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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