I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
