I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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