You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pooping to opera.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
