I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
