through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
