Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize