Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
