I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
third nipple confirmed
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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