Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
