And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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