even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
