We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
