Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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