Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
