I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
