What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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