i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
