he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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