Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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