Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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