Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
