Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
