Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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