I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
home. puking in laundry basket.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
