After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
