That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
